Will Write For Beer

The Walking Dead: It's Always Deadish in Philadelphia.

2012-02-16T14:43:00.002-07:00

This week on The Walking Dead: Hershel starts drinking, Rick starts shooting and two idiots from Philadelphia show up.

The Best Political Ad of All Time?

2012-02-08T10:32:00.005-07:00

At first you think it's an ad for children with "special needs" and I keep waiting for Sarah McLachlan to start singing, but then it takes a turn for the interesting.

Check out some more great ones here.

Potato Chips!

2012-02-02T17:19:00.001-07:00

Dog Tested. Dog Approved.

2012-01-25T11:54:00.003-07:00

Loving these new Subaru spots. Ironically, our dogs hate riding in our Forester.

Beavis & Butthead in Real Life.

2012-01-20T10:21:00.002-07:00

More photos after the jump...

Ima Gonna Be Sick.

2012-01-09T17:24:00.003-07:00

80's music + conformity masquerading as individualism = Turd.

My First McSweeney's Rejection.

2012-01-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE GODDAMN DOG CANCER THAT TOOK MY DOG'S FRONT LEFT LEG.

Dear Goddamn Dog Cancer,

While many in the oncology department call you by your street name MC-T (Mast Cell Tumor), I, however, will forever refer to you as that Goddamn Dog Cancer, as evidenced by this letter's less-than-amiable salutation.

Despite your DJ-friendly moniker, to the best of my knowledge you have never lifted a filament to improve the lives of a single canine on God's green Earth, let alone spun tracks. After all, I imagine it's hard to promote an evening of Dubstep where all the attendees are missing a limb. More like Dubstumble, am I right?

Instead you decided to pay a visit to Alli, our golden retriever of the past 11 years. The doctors gave us a choice of chemo, radiation (both of which had no guarantees of success), or amputation, which, they assured us, would work. Although it was not without its drawbacks, namely the loss of the infected limb (in this case, her left front leg), this is the method of treatment we selected.

Of course, once her leg was placed in the bin, full of other now-useless limbs and the corpses of four-legged family members who would no longer joyously leak urine throughout their forever homes or surprise their owners with sloppy, wet face kisses after eating a litter-encrusted cat turd, I hope you took the opportunity to reflect upon your handiwork and come to terms with the havoc you have wreaked.

If not, let me fill you in:

Thanks to your inability to master your mitotic urges, my dog can no longer walk up and down the stairs. I have to pick her up and flop her over my shoulder like the proverbial bag of potatoes (or beets, depending on your regional dialect), before shuffling her between floors in much the same manner as a two-legged grain elevator, if such a contraption a) actually existed, and b) could be installed in today's tract homes.

Thanks to your jackbooted obsession with cellular domination, my dog can no longer properly lick herself. While many assume dogs do this as an act of self-gratification (an ability which, let's be honest, we've all envied on more than one occasion), let me assure you it also plays a very important part of a canine's self-grooming ritual. Now, without the means to prop herself up, she is unable to thoroughly clean the urine off her inner thighs, resulting in the occasional light rash/and or infected sore.

Worst of all, thanks to your devotion to deoxyribonucleic acid destruction, my dog can no longer squat to relieve herself on her own; instead, she must endure the humiliating stares of the neighbor dogs (especially Sasha, the she-devil Chihuahua who lives next door) as they watch me place both hands beneath her abdomen so she can lower her shanks to a level necessary to empty her bulging bladder. Do you have any idea the emotional strain that takes on her dignity? No, I suppose you don't, since you lack the necessary legs, a urinary tract, or any semblance of working genitalia.

Nor, evidently, do you have a heart.

If you did, you would have bypassed my dog and struck the hellspawn of the COO of my previous place of employ. This demon child reveled in letting everyone know his father ran the company, and, by extension, our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Since I openly expressed my disdain for his progenitor, Damien took extreme pleasure in marking his territory by "pissing in my Wheaties", a phrase his father no doubt picked up in a chatroom frequented by other cogs who "earned" their MBAs from any number of online diploma mills.

One day, this small child picked up my Magic 8-BallTM and threatened to break it on my desk. When I informed him the toy was filled with his father's chlamydia-tainted urine, he stopped, but I suspect this was due more to a fear of splashing pee on his overpriced, undersized Abercrombie & Fitch sweater than any trepidation at encountering a sexually transmitted disease to which he had no doubt repeatedly been exposed to by his father's well-documented inability to lift the toilet seat.

An equally appropriate target for your prodigious talent would have been the shriveled ball sack of the man currently occupying the locker four doors down from mine at our community rec center. Not only does this man insist on walking around sans towel and/or dignity, he routinely shaves said sagging testes in full view of our entire row. Even if your touch only prompted the removal of one ball (left or right; I'll leave that up to you as I am not, technically, a "ball" man), I can't help but imagine the shame of having only half a sack would prompt him to turn his back when lathering up his remaining sperm fount.

I could go on, as my list of enemies is longer than eighteen times the length of Alli's missing limb; unfortunately her bowels are making a rumbling sound indicating an eruption of Mount Pinatubo-ian proportions is imminent, so I'm off to gently steady her posterior while she takes a shit. I just hope I don't get any on my shoes.

Hatefully yours,

Larry

Does this Spot Make You Wet?

2012-01-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

At least she didn't say she was going to get moist.

Goodbye Alli.

2012-01-02T12:19:00.001-07:00

At 3:30 Sunday afternoon Alli crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

Looking into her eyes Saturday night, we could tell she was ready. We were both with her at the end; as hard as it was, I know she was glad we were. I didn't want her to be afraid, and she needed to know it was okay to go. I held her head in my lap while Vanessa petted her. As the vet injected the second dose, Alli was same sweet old soul we've known and loved for the past 16 years; one heartbeat later, the light's gone and she's a just bag of bones. I know she'll always live on in our memories, but I already miss her so much. Someday we'll cross the bridge ourselves and I'll finally get to see her again.

We love you, Alli.

Rockin' and Reelin' in Auckland, New Zealand.

2011-12-15T09:24:00.006-07:00

Here are a couple of Christmas-themed billboards from our buddies down under. (The first is a little hard to see at this size, but it's Mary reading a pregnancy test. The second is pretty self-explanatory.)

Need Another Reason to Hate Walmart?

2011-12-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

This should do the trick.

The 30 Freakiest Ads of 2011.

2011-12-07T11:35:00.002-07:00

Courtesy of our friends at AdFreak.

The Walking Dead: Hershel's Walkers and/or Barnageddon.

2011-11-30T23:16:00.002-07:00

Welcome to the midseason finale of The Walking Dead. Will the gang finally find ~~WAAAALLLLTTTT!~~ Sophia? Will we learn who Lori’s babydaddy is? Will Hershel accept that there’s no cure for a half-eaten face, or is he still putting his faith in zombicillen? Speaking of, will Rick ever tell the group what the CDC doctor whispered in his ear?

Find out all this and more after the jump…

Dogs Love You.

2011-11-30T11:38:00.001-07:00

If you love dogs saying "I love you" you'll love this spot from Colle+McVoy for Purina.

Just Poop Already!

2011-11-18T08:56:00.002-07:00

A really nice set of adoption spots from DraftFCB, of all places.

Three more spots here.

The Walking Dead: Oh, Brother.

2011-11-17T12:14:00.002-07:00

This week on The Walking Dead: A pointless flashback, Maggie got back and Merle comes back.

Catvertising.

2011-11-15T08:53:00.001-07:00

This has been around for a week or two, but it's still worth sharing.

The Walking Dead: Down in a Hole.

2011-11-11T09:41:00.003-07:00

Sweet Jebus, I’m getting frustrated with this show. I hate to sound like a fanboy, but the books are SOOOOO much better. This is the fourth episode of the first half of the season, and so far only three days in actual show-time have passed. And yet we’re still looking for Sophia? She’s now officially this show’s WAAAAAALLLLLT!

Just for that, I’m not gonna write this week's recap as a fanboy; I’m gonna write it as a hater. As in I hate what the stupid writers are doing to my show!

The Walking Dead: Sacrificial Ham.

2011-11-03T12:39:00.002-06:00

This week on The Walking Dead: Hershel saves, Dale caves and Shane misbehaves.

All this and more after the jump…

Howloween Time.

2011-11-01T13:32:00.004-06:00

Alli

Koko

Sammie

The Walking Dead: Tummy Trouble.

2011-10-27T15:53:00.002-06:00

This week on The Walking Dead: Rick and Lori meet the doc, Carl goes into shock, and Daryl just plain rocks.

All this and more is just a quick click away...

Puppy Fakes His Own Death.

2011-10-27T00:29:00.001-06:00

BAAAAABES!!!!

2011-10-26T17:06:00.000-06:00

Just in time for Halloween...

The Walking Dead: Highway to Hell.

2011-10-19T16:35:00.002-06:00

This week on The Walking Dead: The gang hides, Andrea cries and The Dude abides. (Not really, but it gives me the chance to remind everyone that The Big Lebowski is one of the most overrated movies of all times. Yeah, I said it.)

All this and more after the click…

What does "Communiting" Mean?

2011-10-17T09:04:00.004-06:00

will.i.am. has some questions for today's marketers.

Fair enough. I have a few questions for will.i.am.

What does "clichéd" mean? Your entire post is nothing but a regurgitation of the same old hackneyed lines that new media specialists have been spouting for years now. (In will.i.am's defense, he does use ellipsis instead of periods and paragraph breaks, so I guess it looks new.)

From the article: "If your ad, marketing plan or communication doesn't increase, rebuild, enable or empower community, then don't do it."

But what if I just want to sell pickles?

What does "punctuation" mean? Seriously, just complete a sentence every now and then. I expect to find ellipsis in my friends' Twitter feeds; not the pages of AdAge.

Finally, what does "clue" mean? Because once you find out, you should get one.

Another Tasty Film from Chipotle.

2011-10-13T10:00:00.004-06:00

In the latest installment in Chipotles' anti-industrial farming campaign, Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs covers Willie Nelson. It's a beautiful piece of film; one that makes me wish I could afford to eat there more than once a week.

Vote for the Worst.

2011-10-06T09:34:00.002-06:00

The Consumerist wants you to vote for the Worst Ad of 2011.

Personally, I think there are tons more worse than the ones on the list (I'm thinking the creepy Prius spot with a person made of people (seriously, the guy has an ass for a nose), or the new Aflac spot with the dad who can't rap (just use the word just!) ), but these are our choices.

TDA Kills It. Again.

2011-10-05T09:09:00.004-06:00

Seriously, I would give Jon Gelder's* left nut to work with these guys.

*He's not using it.

Unleash Chaos!

2011-10-04T12:23:00.002-06:00

This is all kinds of awesome.

Just type in your address, then watch as a crazy robot destroys your neighborhood. It combines Google Maps with scifi music and green screen effects, so I'm guessing it's programmed in HTML5, but I could be wrong. (ir)Regardless, it kicks ass.

There's a FedEx for That.

2011-09-28T15:09:00.001-06:00

Not even a zombie outbreak can stop your friendly neighborhood FedEx driver.

Yoooggaaaaaa!

2011-09-23T10:32:00.001-06:00

A Few Words about Netflix/Qwikster.

2011-09-21T10:14:00.001-06:00

Stupid. Boneheaded. Knucklebrained.

The Thing.

2011-09-19T22:55:00.001-06:00

Not a big fan of prequels (especially to one I consider one of the best horror films of all time), but I gotta admit this looks interesting.

More The Thing (2011) Videos

Bionic Crap.

2011-09-15T14:12:00.003-06:00

Lord, I hate this commercial. A sexy space babe kills robots to build a freaking phone. Too bad they couldn't be bothered with actually building an idea.

Willie Nelson for Chipotle.

2011-09-06T15:01:00.002-06:00

I love Chipotle. I eat there at least once every week or two. This makes me glad to be a Chipotle customer.

Seriously, great work.

(Behind the scenes footage here.)

Zombie Attacks Engagement Picnic.

2011-08-26T10:10:00.003-06:00

Check out the whole series here.

Hat tip: The Denver Egotist.

Steve Jobs Isn't That Awesome.

2011-08-25T10:24:00.002-06:00

Couldn't agree more.

Call of Duty: Black Ops Rezurrection

2011-08-19T13:56:00.001-06:00

I'm not Dead...

2011-08-17T12:22:00.002-06:00

...just rehabbing a 120-year-old cottage in Idaho Springs. Also hijacking a neighbor's Wi-Fi signal so I can get some paying work done. BRB.

Richard Marx for Fountain of Health Colonics.

2011-08-04T08:49:00.003-06:00

Another winner from Rhett & Link.

Hat tip: AdFreak.

Don't Forget to Vote.

2011-08-01T13:06:00.002-06:00

Have you picked your favorite LoCo yet? (You'd think nothing could beat a monkey riding a dog, but it didn't even make the top three.)

Walking Dead Extended Preview.

2011-07-25T13:00:00.000-06:00

October can't get here soon enough.

Juan of the Dead.

2011-07-19T09:34:00.001-06:00

The Ramifications of Yes: Zombie Edition

2011-07-06T10:36:00.002-06:00

Toshiba executive saves the world from zombie outbreak. If only he could have saved us from the horrors of Vista.

The Notorious V.A.G.

2011-06-22T10:31:00.000-06:00

Way back in the day, when I used to actually recap more than one show a year, I covered The Bachelor over at TVgasm. We had a contest to come up with the female version of the cock block. While I expected to get maybe five or six entries, I ended up getting over 30. Not too bad. But not nearly as impressive as the Mooncup, an insertable, reusable, silicon menstrual cup.

According to AdFreak, the menstrual cup manufacturer received over 14,000 nicknames for a woman's front butt monkey. They took the top 25 and created this catchy little ditty celebrating your naughty bits. (For a complete list, click here.) With entries ranging from Willy Wombat to My Stinky, I can't imagine they missed any, but what do you think? Have any you'd like to add to the list?

Gimme Yo Cash, Bitch!

2011-06-16T11:55:00.007-06:00

I don't know which is funnier/sadder -- the spot itself, or the comments over on YouTube. Although the "Suck it McCain/Feingold" line at the end is a keeper.

This Man is without Couth.

2011-06-08T11:11:00.006-06:00

They sure grow 'em douchey in New Mexico. The worst part is, the guy admits he doesn't know if his girlfriend actually had an abortion or not.

(Hat tip: AdFreak.)

End of an Era.

2011-06-07T11:03:00.003-06:00

TBWA lost the Skittles account yesterday. Which means we just lost our most consistent source of freakass oddvertising.

Check out the Top 18 Skittles spots of all time. (Why just 18? Because The Man won't let them have 20.)

Hat tip: AdFreak

Ron Jeremy and Pair of Sheep Keep Porn Away From Kids

2011-05-27T11:34:00.000-06:00

A little late to the party, but still funny nevertheless.

Ron Jeremy and Pair of Sheep Keep Porn Away From Kids | Adweek

Just in Time for Judgment Day.

2011-05-19T13:42:00.004-06:00

The CDC has published guidelines on surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.

Step One: Collect zombie underpants. Step Three: Profits!

Dan Adler Gets Shit Done.

2011-05-13T10:53:00.003-06:00

How awesome is Dan Adler's campaign? And by awesome, of course, I mean bat-shit crazy like a fox.

Hat tip: AdFreak.

Time-Lapse Astrophotography.

2011-04-26T17:16:00.002-06:00

When I was younger, I wanted to be an astronomer. One math class later, that dream was dead. And so I became a ~~failed novelist~~ copywriter instead.

This guy's work is incredible.

Required Reading.

2011-04-20T09:35:00.002-06:00

Adweek publishes a new manifesto.

The Ad Contrarian takes the author to task.

Can you guess whose side I'm on?

Zombie Marketing.

2011-04-07T11:41:00.002-06:00

Why didn't I think of this?

From the website: The first of its kind in the U.S. – and possibly the world – the MGH Zombie Marketing Division is designed to connect brands to these strong, single-minded decision makers (aka, Zombies), as well as engage zombie enthusiasts and those developing products and services for the eventual zombie apocalypse.

I wonder if they could help market my novel? (Providing I ever finish it, of course.)

Is the Religious Right right? Or do they have it all wrong?

2011-03-22T11:20:00.019-06:00

HHR just put the finishing touches on this year's awareness campaign for Citizens Project.

Citizens Project is a local organization dedicated to protecting your rights – and the rights of every person in Colorado Springs – by promoting TRUE American values: diversity, equality and religious freedom, including separation of church and state. It's also near and dear to our hearts.

Last year's campaign introduced Citizens Project by showing what our community might be like if the group didn't exist.

This year, we're asking for your opinion on four hot-button issues: Free Speech, the Religious Right, Tolerance vs Intolerance, and Civil Rights.

The campaign consists of bus shelters, bus benches, TV, print and banner ads. Each ad poses a provocative question, and directs the reader to visit the website and Join the Conversation. At the site, they'll find a survey and a comment section where they can weigh in on the issue. There's also a link to the other campaign questions. Finally, the outdoor and print make use of QR Codes, a new technology that lets you scan a 2D bar code with your smart phone that takes you directly to the website, saving you the trouble of having to open your browser and type in the URL.

Here's the artwork for the bus benches. Once they start going up, I'll try to get some photos to post.

The four 15-second TV spots will be running on Comcast and RMPBS starting sometime in April. (Since it's all donated time, I can't tell you when, exactly.)

Fingers crossed this year's campaign is as well-received as last year's. Citizens Project is a great organization, doing some really important work, and we hope you'll join in and tell us what you think. The more people we can get talking about these issues, the better our chances of solving them.

---

Credits:
Everyone on the Citizens Project Communications Committee
HHR Creative: Larry Hinkle (words), Craig Rae (art)
Gradient Blue: Chris Selders (broadcast)

Kills Bugs Dead.

2011-03-15T12:03:00.002-06:00

Here's a fun new billboard I just did for Timberline Spraying and Fertilizing. Unfortunately, they didn't go for my first choice: Protect Your Wood.

Approved by Yiayia.

2011-02-28T14:55:00.001-07:00

Great new campaign for Athenos hummus and Greek yogurt.

Hat tip: AdFreak.

Dead Island.

2011-02-18T10:56:00.003-07:00

What a great piece of storytelling.

A Skinny Can for Your Fat Ass.

2011-02-16T16:12:00.003-07:00

According to AdFreak, people are getting upset about Diet Pepsi's new skinny can.

It's a friggin' can, people. Personally, I'm more offended by the super-long bendy straw, as it makes my Crazy Straw feel inadequate.

Super Bowl.

2011-02-08T11:11:00.003-07:00

Best spot of the Super Bowl.

Second best.

The worst? Too many to mention.

UPDATE: Find a complete list of winners and losers here.

Denver 50.

2011-01-28T16:12:00.002-07:00

Yeah, we didn't win anything, but lots of other good stuff did. Check 'em out here.

Super Bowl MVP: Most Valuable Primate.

2011-01-20T12:03:00.002-07:00

Ad Age wants to know your favorite Super Bowl ad featuring a monkey.

Vote here.

For my money, the E-Trade "We Just Wasted $2,000,000" isn't just the best of this list; it might be the single best Super Bowl ad of all time.

Truth in Advertising.

2011-01-19T13:02:00.001-07:00

Nice.

(Hat tip: AdRants.)

I am Jack's Calvin and Hobbes.

2011-01-13T10:16:00.004-07:00

Awesome mashup of Fight Club and Calvin and Hobbes.

Mayhem.

2011-01-06T09:09:00.004-07:00

I am seriously loving this campaign.

See some more great spots here.

The Walking Dead: CDC U L8R.

2010-12-10T12:40:00.002-07:00

This week on the season finale of The Walking Dead: Shane’s in a funk, the gang gets drunk, and the CDC goes kerplunk.

The Walking Dead: Oopsies.

2010-12-01T13:57:00.005-07:00

Holy crap, am I behind on keeping this thing up. (That's what she said!)

Here are the last three week's worth of recaps, in order:

My Brother's Keeper.

Spanish Fly.

Shot to the Head and Rick's to Blame.

The Walking Dead: Stankonia.

2010-11-11T10:33:00.002-07:00

In this week's episode of The Walking Dead: Lori gets fracked, Merle gets smacked and more than a few zombies get thwacked.

The Walking Dead: They Eat Horses, Don't They?

2010-11-04T11:26:00.001-06:00

In this week’s episode of The Walking Dead: Rick wakes up, Morgan wusses out and the dead walk.

Zombie Sears.

2010-10-23T10:45:00.005-06:00

Now it's not just the styles at Sears that are dead.

See the rest of the Zombie Sears site.

(Hat tip: The Denver Egotist.)

Smell Like A Monster.

2010-10-08T19:11:00.003-06:00

I'm on a cow.

(Hat tip: AdFreak.)

Can You Have Kids AND a Great Career?

2010-09-29T12:07:00.004-06:00

Very interesting discussion going on over at The Denver Egotist about kids and careers. For what it's worth, here's what I left in the comments...

"I don't like kids. I never wanted kids. Neither did my wife. So we never had kids. Lots of dogs, though.

And while I've never understood the desire to have a bunch of young 'uns, I've also never begrudged my partners for doing so. At least not since the very early part of my career. Back then it used to piss me off that the breeders (as we called them) got special treatment and/or privileges. (It also pissed me off that smokers could take a break whenever they wanted, but I'd get my balls busted for taking five minutes off to goof. But I digress...)

Maybe it comes with age, wisdom, or apathy, but nowadays, I just don't care. (I mean I don't care about your kids. I still care about the work.) Coworkers take off time to care for a sick kid or sit through a school play, I take time off to go camping or skiing. It's all about balance. About what makes you happy. And it all evens out in the end."

Thoughts...?

Wow.

2010-09-23T12:55:00.001-06:00

Just wow.

(Hat tip: AdFreak.)

Rush to Criticism.

2010-09-17T11:36:00.003-06:00

According to AdFreak, Rush Limbaugh is now an ad critic. His first target? The commercial for Nissan's electric car, the Leaf. Proving once again, that those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. And those who REALLY can't, get a radio show and an Oxycontin addiction.

Bust a Nut.

2010-09-14T09:52:00.001-06:00

The new Cialis ad features a guy pitching a tent.

Literally.

Look for their next ad to feature a guy busting nuts with a sledge hammer.

Mad Men: Mr. Roboto.

2010-08-25T10:14:00.001-06:00

This week on Mad Men: Sally gets in touch with herself, Don gets one over on a rival, and Betty gets even nastier (and not in a good way).

All this and more when you click here…

Cee-Lo is All Kinds of Awesome.

2010-08-23T15:31:00.002-06:00

And so is this song.

(Lyrics might be NSFW, depending on what your boss thinks of the word fuck.)

Mad Men: Money Shot.

2010-08-20T17:19:00.004-06:00

If it's Friday, it must be time for a new Mad Men recap.

Friday Funsies.

2010-08-12T22:42:00.004-06:00

The new Mad Men recap is up.

Also, Starburst is finally down with zombies.

(Hat tip: The Denver Egotist.)

Only in The Springs...

2010-08-02T10:17:00.003-06:00

...would an unemployed woman spend $1,200 to advertise the return of Jesus.

(Hat tip: Denver Egotist.)

I Jump In It.

2010-07-29T09:07:00.002-06:00

I love this spot. I didn't even catch the dogs playing poker until the fifth or sixth time I watched it.

(Hat Tip: AgencySpy.)

Mad Men: Bitch Slap.

2010-07-28T09:26:00.003-06:00

It's been a while, but the new Mad Men recap is finally up. Here's a taste...

Scene: Don’s apartment. Don invites a hooker in for some Thanksgiving stuffing.

Don: You know what The Draper wants.

Hooker: Oh, I know what The Draper wants, all right. (Slaps Don in the face.)

Maid: Harder!

Telephone rings.

Don: Hello?

Peggy: Hello Don, it’s Peggy. I need some bail money.

Don: Jesus, Peggy. You’re not pregnant again are you?

Peggy: No. Wait, what’s pregnant mean?

Bloody Mary.

2010-07-19T10:17:00.002-06:00

Banned from the London tube because it scared children. Waaah.

(Hat tip: The Denver Egotist.)

The Power of a Good Product Demonstration.

2010-07-14T16:03:00.003-06:00

These two new spots for DieHard make a powerful argument. Literally.

(Hat tip: The Denver Egotist.)

PS3 Rumors.

2010-07-12T10:41:00.005-06:00

Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. Especially if it comes from Nigeria. But make sure you don't tell anyone you don't believe the attorney of that Nigerian prince who promised you all that money. Because evidently the Nigerian government doesn't like it when people do that, and they'll complain and you'll have to pull your TV spot.

(Hat tip: Juggling in the Dark.)

Swan Dive!

2010-07-01T11:45:00.003-06:00

Is this new Old Spice spot as good as the original? You tell me.

I say no. Although it could have been, had the last line been "I'm on a bike." I'm sure the creatives didn't want to repeat themselves, but sometimes you gotta give the people what they want.

Oh What a Feeling!

2010-06-16T14:28:00.002-06:00

A few quick Toyota bits:

Toyota's new commercial says they're spending $1 million an hour on safety. Not counting the $10 million an hour they're spending on safety lawsuits, of course.

Toyota is contemplating changing their company slogan from "Moving Forward" to "Always Moving Forward" or "Our Quality Never Stops."

Toyota's new commercials start with "Everyone deserves to be safe." Because "Everyone deserves better than Toyota" was just too honest.

I Poo in Blue.

2010-05-28T10:13:00.002-06:00

When I go Number 2 in my denimish diapers, I still look like Number 1.

(Hat tip: AdFreak.)

Hip Hop Hamsters.

2010-05-26T09:31:00.001-06:00

New from Kia.

(Hat tip: AgencySpy.)

Local Yokels.

2010-05-12T14:06:00.004-06:00

Are these the eight worst local commercials of all time?

(Hat tip: The Denver Egotist.)

Sigh.

2010-04-27T21:15:00.002-06:00

A brief snippet from Pop Art, by Joe Hill. It's the type of writing I wish I were capable of. Unfortunately, it's never going to happen.
He was like a holy person in a Bible story, someone who can heal the ripped and infected parts of you with a laying-on of hands. You know how Bible stories go. That kind of person, they're never around long. Losers and jerks put nails in them and watch the air run out.
Between this and Neil Gaiman's Babycakes, I don't know why I even bother.

I Like Big Butterfingers.

2010-04-26T10:57:00.002-06:00

Sir Mix-A-Lot, Erik Estrada, Charisma Carpenter AND Lou Ferrigno? Sign me up.

(Hat tip: AdFreak.)

Friday Funsies.

2010-04-23T12:25:00.005-06:00

Presented for your bemusement, most of yesterday's Earth Day tweets...

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In honor of Earth Day, I will bake hemp muffins using my hemp-powered Easy-Baked-Oven. Also, I'm going to get high. On life! (And hemp.)

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In honor of Earth Day, I will give my victims a Viking funeral, rather than waste valuable land digging individual graves.

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In honor of Earth Day, I will compost my boogers instead of rubbing them on the cat's nose.

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In honor of Earth Day, I will only attach spears to my shark's head, not frickin' laser beams.

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In honor of Earth Day, if it's yellow, I will indeed let it mellow. But if it's ocher, I'm calling Al Roker.

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In honor of Earth Day, I will not "nuke" any food. Instead, I will cook over an open pit fire fed with oil drippings from my '72 Gremlin.

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In honor of Earth Day, I will not run over hippies walking on the sidewalk next to my truck. LOLJK! Of course I'll still run over hippies.

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In honor of Earth Day, I will not print multiple color copies of my junk. Instead, I will simply email a copy to everyone in the office.

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In honor of Earth Day, I will club a baby seal, rather than leave baby seal poison out where any animal or Eskimo could accidentally eat it.

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In honor of Earth Day, I'm renting a Hummer and taking that crying Indian to the Mall of America for some fried Twinkies and buffalo wings.

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In honor of Earth Day, I will throw bird seed instead of rice at any funeral I happen to attend. And by attend, of course, I mean cause.

Will It Blend?

2010-04-05T10:33:00.001-06:00

Yes. Yes it will.

(Hat tip: AdFreak.)

Insult Advertising.

2010-03-26T11:15:00.003-06:00

Hate to do two political posts in a row, but damn, people are idiots.

Reportedly, Rep. Joe ("You lie!") Wilson raised nearly $1.5 million for calling Obama a liar. Now Rep. Randy ("Baby killer!") Neugebauer is trying to get it on the action by releasing an ad explaining why he said Obama kills babies.

So, how much money do you think the first Republican who calls Obama the "N" word will raise?

(Hat tip: AdFreak.)

Wow. Just, wow.

2010-03-25T10:08:00.003-06:00

I'm not saying I like the dude, but I certainly don't think he's the Antichrist.

Here's the percentage breakdown of respondents' views of President Obama:

38 percent say he wants to take away Americans' right to own guns.
32 percent say he is a Muslim.
29 percent think he wants to turn over the sovereignty of the United States to a one world government.
29 percent think he has done many things that are unconstitutional.
27 percent say he resents America's heritage.
27 percent say he does what Wall Street and the bankers tell him to do.
25 percent say he was not born in the United States and so is not eligible to be president.
25 percent say he is a domestic enemy that the U.S. Constitutions speaks of.
23 percent say he is a racist.
23 percent say he is anti-American.
23 percent say he wants to use an economic collapse or terrorist attack as an excuse to take dictatorial powers.
20 percent say he is doing many of the things that Hitler did.

What's funny (to me, at least) is that the left was saying a lot of the very same things about President Bush. And that's why you should vote Libertarian.

Church Equals State?

2010-03-16T13:56:00.016-06:00

No, not really.

As revealed in the Indy Blog earlier today, the enigmatically provocative campaign was for Citizens Project, a Colorado Springs-based nonprofit dedicated to "defending equality, religious freedom and respect for diversity."

(In the interest of full disclosure, my agency HHR Creative created the campaign.)

During the two-and-a-half weeks tease period, we had over 5,800 site hits at Church Equals State, Freedom from Expression, Create Isolation and Celebrate Conformity. And we've had nearly 350 people sign up for the email updates, including a few with memorable addresses:

TheLeftisPrejudicedAgainstReligion@yahoo.com
ThisSiteisforBigots@ReligiousZealots.com
ThisisWhy@YourCityisBroke.com

The copy on the teaser sites was written in an ambiguous manner that was very open to interpretation. Depending on one's preexisting biases, the boards could either represent everything that was good about Colorado Springs, or reinforce the existing negative stereotypes about our fair city.

This is the copy from the Church Equals State teaser site:

Imagine a world where school prayer was mandatory.

Where intelligent design was taught instead of evolution.

And where discrimination against homosexuals and other minority groups was perfectly acceptable.

Right now, people in our community are working to make this dream a reality. If you’d like to know more, join our email list today.

Today, the copy changed to reveal Citizens Project, explain its mission and invite people to help make Colorado Springs a place we can all be proud to call home.

Here's a taste of the new message:

Scary, isn’t it?

Well, that’s exactly what Colorado Springs could look like if not for the tireless efforts of Citizens Project. Since 1992, we’ve been working to protect your rights – and the rights of every person in Colorado Springs – by promoting TRUE American values: diversity, equality and religious freedom, including separation of church and state.

If you want to make Colorado Springs a better place for ALL people, you’re not alone. Find out how you can help at the Citizens Project website today. Together, we can make our city a place where church and state are kept apart, and a place everyone is proud to call home.

From the initial tease (messages appeared on billoards, bus shelters, bus sides, online, in newspapers and on TV) to the reveal, the campaign was designed with one specific goal in mind: to get people talking.

And it certainly did.

P.S. Citizens Project plans to keep the conversation going through a series of informal get-to-know-your-neighbors gatherings, online polls and a community breakfast later this year.

Any Guesses?

2010-03-10T09:52:00.002-07:00

I loves me some Japanese ads, but what the frack is going on here?

(Hat tip: The Denver Egotist.)

And the Silver Goes To...

2010-03-01T11:45:00.009-07:00

Us! That's right, a radio campaign we did for Colorado College Hockey won Silver in the PPAF Addy Awards this past Saturday night, which makes us the United States of the Pikes Peak region. Ha, suck it, Canada!

Tools.

2010-02-26T12:33:00.001-07:00

Line of copy from a Home Depot radio ad I heard this morning:

"...so you can stop putting it off, and we can start putting it in."

Bet they sell a lot of wood with that one.